I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her vagine was all disorganized.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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