I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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