you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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