Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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