I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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