There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
