you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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