you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
