sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
