I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
