Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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