brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
