Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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