no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
