Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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