I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
