It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
