my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
