she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
