she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
