so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
