If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
