Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
