dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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