Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
