when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
