Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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