The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
