My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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