So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
