Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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