This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
