Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
