I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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