yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
