So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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