if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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