Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
4 words: hood of his car
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
