i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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