We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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