apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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