Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
