There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
