when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
