Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
