Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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