Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
