me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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