I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
