Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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