marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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