I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
