What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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