Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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