Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
