Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
