i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it glows. i had to have it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
