there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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