If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
