I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
