ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
